Finding it difficult to be a “Suitable Helper”

The Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
Genesis 2:22

Below devotional from Night Life for Couples says that a wife should serve her husband devotedly.

I am very confused. I do not know what to do. If I am to serve my husband devotedly,

I have to be at his beck and call each moment. (Every time I settle down to read or sit or relax, he calls with something or the other to do.)

I have to blindly listen to him when he gives impractical and incorrect opinions or instructions.

I have to take actions that seem wrong for my child’s well being and growth.

I have to do things that he feels are good for me, but that I do not enjoy and do not feel are necessary.

My husband is a very extremely tensed person. He likes to do things immediately as and when he remembers without having to wait. His view points and upbringing are different from mine. His priorities are different from mine. His parents’ views and sentiments are different from my parents’. In short we are opposite in almost all aspects.

I have a medical condition called fibromyalgia due to which I experience pain and fatique with stress. I have to set my own pace to do things. I have my own organised and systematic way that I follow which helps me complete my chores and also take care of myself and my family.

So when I have to stop in between each moment for things that my husband can do independently or which he tries to impose upon me for my own good, I get overstressed.

I have tried to explain this to him. He cares for me and loves me, but does not understand how his behaviour can cause me stress. Whenever I try to explain, he misunderstands, leading to even more stress.

Guess I am blabbering away.

I pray to God to give me patience and understanding when I deal with him and to help me to be a good wife. I feel like a failure as a wife due to the negative emotions and thoughts going on through my mind.

Yet, I am confident that God will help us through and bind us together in spite of our differences.

Thank you Lord for keeping us together in love.

Below is the reading from Night Life for Couples that I had mentioned above.

From the beginning, God was clear about a woman’s primary role in this world. Genesis 2:18 reads: “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” No one took her role as helper more seriously than Jane Hill, late wife of Los Angeles pastor E. V. Hill. She loved him deeply and devoted herself to his needs. E. V. once received a death threat from gang members indicating he would be killed the next day. He woke up the following morning “thankful to be alive,” as he told it later. “But I noticed that [Jane] was gone. I looked out my window, and my car was gone. I went outside and finally saw her driving up, still in her robe. I said, ‘Where have you been?’ She said, ‘I… I… it just occurred to me that they [could have] put a bomb in that car last night, and if you had gotten in there you would have been blown away. So I got up and drove it. It’s all right.’”
A man is fortunate indeed when his wife is his devoted helper— whether she bakes him a cake, soothes his aching muscles, or even puts her life on the line for him. No role demonstrates more beautifully the way Jesus shows His love for each of us.
Just between us…
(husband) Does the role of “helper” seem insulting to you?
(husband) Is it easy for you to “serve” me as your husband?
(husband) Do I notice and respond when you do?
(wife) Which aspect of my support means the most to you?
(wife) Dear Lord, thank You for creating me to help and serve my husband. I embrace this ministry with all my heart! Grant me Your wisdom, strength, and joy in this calling. Bless him through my every word and deed. Amen.
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

A dash of love

My daughter has been discharged from hospital today. We are getting ready to leave for home. She has another 1 week’s treatment to complete at home.

Photo by Jasmine Wallace Carter on Pexels.com

During all the tension of her hospitalisation, my husband and I have opposite opinions, which is a cause of tension and disturbance to me and more to my daughter.

I am trying not to contradict him. I am trying to remain patient. However, I am sometimes not able to control my impulsive tongue.

Then today I read the below quote.

As you help and care for your husband, add a dash of love to everything you do.
James C Dobsonto

I realise that to each of my actions, I should add a dash of love, especially when dealing with my husband. This will help me develop more patience and understanding.

Thank you Lord God for this advice. Please guide and remind me each and every moment to add a dash of love instead of forging ahead without a pause.

Bind us together Lord!!

Photo by Maria Lindsey Multimedia Creator on Pexels.com

“He is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.”
Deuteronomy 24:5

Yesterday’s message from Night Life for Couples, a Bible Gateway devotional, was based on the above verse.

The gist is that a man’s character can be seen in his wife’s countenance. He has to ensure that he sets apart time for her and her needs.

Although I don’t agree with the husband completely giving up his career for his wife, I do agree that he should make adjustments where possible to spend family time. He should understand her needs and care for her well being.

My husband is good. He cares about me in his own way, but he doesn’t understand me as I am. We have two different wavelengths and values. So he is not willing to see my view of things, but tries to impose his views and what he deems best for me and for our family. This leads to a lot of tension and friction in our house which disturbs my daughter also.

On the other hand, I can see that he cares and loves us in his own way. If we go along with him blindly, life will be peaceful, but it’s difficult for my daughter and me to agree with all that he says and does. We find it difficult to go along with decisions that we feel are wrong sentimentally as well as practically.

We try our best not to correct him in harmless issues and decisions, but it’s difficult. I have to tune my mind to accept his views and not enter into arguments. I am trying to make a conscious effort to see the positives and ignore the negatives.

I pray that God gives us the strength to be patient and understanding to keep our family bound together in His love.

Below is the devotional.

A Wife’s Countenance
“If you really want to know about a man and what kind of character he has, you need only look at the countenance of his wife. Everything he has invested, or withheld, will be there.”
That was the message Bill McCartney, then head coach of the University of Colorado football team, heard in a 1994 sermon. The words cut straight to his heart. McCartney had built the Colorado football program into a powerhouse that won a national championship in 1990. He had also cofounded a national men’s movement, Promise Keepers. But those achievements came at a price. For years McCartney had withheld his time and energy from his wife, Lyndi, and their four children. In 1994 Bill McCartney didn’t like what he saw in Lyndi’s countenance— so he resigned his position at Colorado to devote more time to his wife and family.
As a husband, you bear the primary responsibility for your wife’s welfare and emotional well‐being. What do you see in her face tonight?
Just between us…
(husband) Do you ever feel like you’re competing for my attention?
(husband) Do I appear preoccupied by my work or recreational activities?
(wife) What do you imagine it was like for Bill McCartney to walk away from his successful coaching career?
(wife) Do you ever struggle with trying to care for my emotional well‐being? Is there anything I can do to help?
(husband) Almighty God, with Your help I wholeheartedly accept my responsibility to care for my wife’s emotional well-being. May I increasingly become a master at it, so that I can see joy and contentment in her face. Amen.
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson; Quotation from From Ashes to Glory by Bill McCartney (Nashville, Tenn.: Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers, 1995).

God’s Choices are Better

For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You.
Psalm 86:5

Ever since my daughter finished her 10^th grade we have been planning and trying to guide her to make a good career choice to give her a fulfilled and happy life.

We planned and sent her to coaching classes for her entrance exams. We made her as comfortable as possible so she could have a good environment for studying. We sacrificed many of our comforts so as not to disturb her. We relieved her from many of her chores. Thus we did the maximum we could from our side.

We trusted that she would be responsible and study. So we did not nag her. We told her that she did not need to over strain herself and that her health was more important than marks. Since she was responsible and determined so far, we did not expect this statement to cause her to wallow in self-pity over the lack of free time, but this was exactly what she did.

Her marks started coming down with each exam. She used to get upset with her marks and commit to work harder, but she did not put in the hard work required. She just wallowed in self-pity over each hour she could not relax.

Now with just one month left for her final board exams, she has not completed all her portions. On top of that she has been ill on and off for 3 weeks now and hence unable to study. However, God gave her sufficient energy and strength to study and do her practicals board exams.

Her illness reminded us that nothing is in our hands. No amount of guidance and planning from our side can help. Nothing we give her can help. Money and comfort cannot help. Only God can.

Also, we have come to accept that God’s plan might not be for her to take up the profession she had dreamed of and that we supported. His choice for her might be different.

Her performance, with God’s guidance, will lead to the future that is best for her.

So we are leaving everything in God’s hands.

Thank you Lord for taking care of our lives. We realise how much a small bacteria or virus can disrupt our plans. Only you can make things possible. You will take care of my daughter’s life as is best for her and us. You will lead her. Sorry for the many times when I have tried to make her study in my own way and for the tension that I had created for us and for her when I should have just left matters in your hands. Thank you for being there for us always and for taking care of my daughter’s health, well-being and life. Thank you so much oh Lord God.

I shall conclude by sharing the post below.

A Time to Think
Sometimes God makes better choices for us than we could have ever made for ourselves. –Jennifer Hudson Taylor, author
A Time to Act
Become more aware of the blessings that surround you.
A Time to Pray
Father, of all the gifts and blessings You bestow on us, the greatest is the miracle of life. Let me find joy and satisfaction in every amazing, improbable moment.
Daily Reflection and Prayer, Guidepost

Eternity & Reny

My son, Reny, passed away when he was 100 days old. He was my daughter, Rose’s twin. The twins were premature babies delivered early because Reny’s weight was much lesser than Rose’s. The doctors had brought him back to an ideal weight and confirmed that all his vital levels were normal, when suddenly he passed away.

I had to go for work leaving the twins with the nanny. Rose was developing a slight fever and so when my husband went home for lunch, he and my father took her to the doctor. Meanwhile, when the nanny went with the bottle to give milk to Reny, she was shocked to see that he was not breathing. The cause was determined as Sudden Infant Death Syndrome which is the term given for unexplained demise of a seemingly healthy infant.

It came as a complete shock to us. Even when I was called from office saying that my child was ill, I was wondering what had happened to Rose since she was the one with fever.

I haven’t actually spoken about this event in so much detail all these years. I am sharing this with you to let you know how much God had strengthened and supported my family and me during this time. He gave us the courage to move on with our life. He made us understand that He was the one who gave Reny to us and it was He who decided to take him back.

Maybe He felt that we, as parents, were incapable of handling two babies at one time. (We were actually very tensed, confused and stressed by the time I had to go back to work. Also my husband is a very anxious and easily tensed person who finds the smallest inconsequent issue worrying.)

Anyhow, we are grateful that God gave us Rose to comfort us. She is a wonderful child. God has blessed her with good character, wisdom and intelligence. She is close to God at heart and it’s obvious that His spirit has been in her always guiding her in the right path.

She is the most wonderful blessing God has given us. We cannot thank God enough for this wonderful gift.

We are happy and assured that Reny is with God and we will see him when we reach there in God’s time.

We understand from our experience that life is short and we have eternity in store for us. We have to be good and do the duties God has assigned for us while we are here and then be ready for our eternal home.

Thank you Lord Jesus for making this possible.

Joyful with Gratitude

This morning I found myself smiling while going about my duties.

I am usually harried and tired in the mornings due to fibromyalgia, a medical condition that I have.

I wondered what made me smile and realised that it was because I wasn’t bogged down by the usual issues. Instead, I found joy in the beautiful rainy day and the flowers and greenery blooming around me.

Although I was experiencing little bits of pain here and there due to my illness, they didn’t seem to bother me. God’s creation has given me the assurance that He who created this wonderful earth has great plans for me and my loved ones.

I cannot thank God enough for his immense blessings.

Today’s “Daily Scripture & Reflection” says:

Let’s come before him with thanks! Let’s shout songs of joy to him! Psalm 95:2 (The Daily Life Bible)
A Time to Think
Saying thank you is more than good manners. It is good spirituality. –William Painter, inventor
A Time to Act
Approach today with a grateful heart.
A Time to Pray
Lord, thank You for the many ways in which I may lift my heart and spirit through prayer.
Guideposts, 20 July 2019

Leave everything to God

Hi All! Just read the below “Daily Scripture & Reflection” from Guideposts.

It has calmed my anxiety, especially about my daughter’s future and has relaxed me to face the coming week. I have realised that my plans and strategies to make her study my way will not work. Leaving it to God is the best course. There is no sense in forcing my ways upon her. Thank you God.

Throw all your anxiety onto him, because he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7 (The Daily Life Bible)
A Time to Think
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God. –Corrie ten Boom, author
A Time to Act
Rejoice, the future is full of promise.
A Time to Pray
Father I hold tight to Your truth and trust You to work in my life
Guideposts, 19 July 2019

God’s Sovereign Provision

Hi!! I’m back after a long time. Reason for my absence? Can’t give a genuine excuse. I was just caught up with a lot of issues, neglecting my blog. Was also lazy after that. So today I forced myself to start with the blog first before moving on to other tasks.

To tell you the truth, my mind has been occupied with worries about my daughter’s education. God has gifted her with intelligence. She easily understands lessons taught in class, but has been neglecting the actual studying part. Her grades are lower than expected. I wouldn’t say that she is not working hard. She is and I hate to put pressure on her, but this is her graduating year of school and college admission depends on her grades at the end of this year. Also, she has to prepare for entrance exams to get into the college of her choice. All these need extra effort.

I spoke to her yesterday about the need to put in more time if she wanted to achieve her goals. I told her that we are saying this to help fulfil her wishes and not for our sakes. If she wanted to set an easier goal, we were fine with it.

We have left the issue to God now and we have set out a new pattern for studying. The main issue before me is how to handle her, how to say “no” without aggravating her adolescence rebellion, to make her stick to the plan. I am trusting that God will guide us through.

“God looked on the Israelites and was concerned about them.” – Exodus 2:25

When the Israelites were suffering under the burden of Egyptian slavery and cried out to God for help, He heard them and instructed Moses to bring liberty to His people and declared that He would once again release them “into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey” (Exodus 3:8).

I know that God knows all our needs and is working out His plans for our lives. Maybe, my daughter’s goals and our wishes are not as per His plan. Whatever it might be, I know that the best will happen for her so she is able to live a happy, God fearing, peaceful, wonderful life. I have shared our needs and concerns with Him, which is what I do as part of my loving relationship with Him.

I understand that God loves it when we go to Him! He works in His unique way of wisely providing what we need, not necessarily what we want. I have decided to rest in His sovereign, loving provision.

Dear God, I am grateful I can come to You with my needs. Enable me to be content in whatever paths and provisions You choose for us, especially with regard to my daughter, Rose’s future.

Comfort in God

My daughter has been putting off serious studies for some days. She has a lot of tests coming up, but has still not started preparing when she has the time. This makes me worried that she will have to cram everything in the last minute which will lead to a lot of stress and worry.

I asked God yesterday to guide me on how to handle her. I requested to give her a mood to focus on her studies. My prayers have been answered. This morning I saw her drawing up a schedule and finally sitting down to study, although she’s not yet in the full study mode.

God gives us comfort and strength whenever His hands are laid upon us. Nothing could cause us anxiety when His comforting hands are underneath us carrying us through. In the midst of our fear and worry, our Lord Jesus tells us with tenderness – ‘Fear not”.

My reliance upon God seems very impractical and silly to many people. They say things like – “God has no time for these small silly issues.” or “God has given you intelligence and ability to work these things out.”

However, from my experiences, I know that God is willing and ready to handle all our cares. He keeps His eyes on even the tiniest strand of hair on my head. He is definitely responsible for our lives. A reckless reliance on Him is the best way to let Him handle each aspect of our lives.

And His way of handling them will definitely bring out the best solution.

Habit of prayer – a blessing

Just wanted to share the below article on Prayer by Bob Hostetler that I read on Guideposts. Most of it applies to me. I admit that there are days when I say a hurried prayer. However, on days when I take the time to pray with my whole heart, I experience an immense sense of peace and happiness.

Hope the below inspires you also to ensure that prayer is a part of you that you cannot live without.

7 Reasons I Pray Daily

The great Christian author and apologist C. S. Lewis famously said, “I pray because I can’t help myself. I pray because I’m helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping. It doesn’t change God. It changes me.”

I can say “Amen!” to that.

I pray for those reasons. And more:

1) I need God.
Like many people, I am most often driven to prayer because I need something. A job. Healing. Money for car repairs. Those sorts of things. But the more I pray, the more apparent my real need becomes: I need God. He is my source, my strength, my healer, my helper.

2) It clears my head.
I can’t possibly count the number of times I have gone to prayer in confusion—my mind and heart all stressed and twisted and panicked—only to experience a wonderful release and peace by the time I finished praying. I know the truth of the verse, “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee” (Isaiah 26:3, KJV) because I’ve experienced it.

3) It starts my day right.
For many years I was too busy to pray in the morning. My days began with hurry and progressed in the same way. But at some point, morning prayer became not only a habit but also a blessing. It orders my day. It sets the tone. It gets me going in the right frame of mind and the right orientation of heart.

4) It ends my day right.
I’ve written elsewhere on this blog about the blessing Compline (evening prayers) has been to me. Suffice it to say here that prayer helps my mind review the day, download and offload all the day’s stress and struggles, downshift my brain’s mechanisms, and prepare for rest. At this point, I think I could more easily go to sleep without locking the doors or brushing my teeth than I could without having prayed.

5) It reminds me of a few important things.
Like who God is. Who I am. What matters most. Where I come from and where I am going.

6) Things go better when I pray.
I know God answers prayer because I see those answers on a daily basis. If for some reason I neglect prayer, I feel like I’m not firing on all cylinders, so to speak. Things go wrong. I go wrong. Perhaps most importantly, disappointments and detours that might shake or shatter me if I haven’t prayed more often turn into blips—or even blessings—when I have prayed.

7) I get better as I pray.
Seriously, I shudder to think of the man I would be if I subtracted all the praying I’ve done over the years. Prayer makes me a better man, because prayer brings God and all He is and means to me into motion in me and through me. I am nowhere near good enough or smart enough to go without prayer. Little by little, day by day, I become a more blessed, more joyful, more capable, more focused and more sensitive person than I was just a few days before. I could go on. Seven reasons barely scratch the surface. I could easily list seven more, I think. So maybe I will, in a future post.