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Roses or Thorns?

It’s been a long time since I wrote.

Our family has been busy with our move to a different city. Our daughter has joined College at the new place.

Our new location is different. It lacks conveniences of city life, but is quieter. The apartment is an older one and so lacks a few of the conveniences of the previous apartment. However, it has many other positive aspects. Besides, we are the owners. We had bought the apartment many years back as an investment.

Adjusting to the new situation has been a strain for us. With the packing/unpacking, refurbishment work and decisions to be made (with differences in opinion), we tend to lose our patience with each other.

Added to that, our daughter’s online classes have begun and she is going through her own stress having changes at home and college to cope with.

While complaining/arguing about small issues, we keep forgetting about the innumerable positives in our new situation. My daughter’s happy with her online classes. We have furnished our apartment quite well. In many aspects our new place is much better than any of our previous apartments.

Blessings are abundant. God guided us to buy this apartment for just this day. It’s through God’s Grace only that we own such a lovely place when there are so many people who are homeless.

I read the article below just in time so I can remind myself to look at the “roses” and not the “thorns”.

I am sorry Lord Jesus for being so ungrateful. Thank you so much for your abundant mercies and blessings. Thank you for guiding our lives and bringing us to this point in our lives. Thank you for our wonderful home. Thank you for my daughter’s college admission enabling her to do the course that she likes. Thanks a lot, Lord!

Seeing Beauty Instead of Pain
“The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature.” Luke 8:14 (NIV)
My life hasn’t been a bed of roses.
What an odd statement. It’s supposed to mean that I haven’t lived a life without snags and hurt. However, think of an actual bed of roses. Doesn’t it have both thorns and flowers?
My aunt grew roses for years. She’s the one I lived with for almost a year when I was in middle school and my family was falling apart. I remember her telling me not to run through her rose garden. After all, she had what seemed like hundreds of other acres that unfolded in wide open fields. I could run there.
But I didn’t want to.
I only wanted to run through the rose garden. I wanted to spread my arms wide open and run between the rows, brushing my fingertips across all the velvety blooms. I wanted some of the blooms to burst and shower petals all around. Then I could gather the petals and spread them along my path.
As if I could carve a new place in this world lined with beauty and void of adult words like divorce, rejection and hate … I wanted my world to be soft, pink and lovely. I didn’t want to think about my dad leaving our family. My heart couldn’t process how he not only didn’t live with us anymore, but also he was slowly pulling back from participating in our lives altogether.
So, I took a running start with my arms outstretched, only to be shocked with searing pain within the first few steps.
Thorns. Big, mean, vicious thorns. Thorns that ripped my flesh and opened up the flood of tears I’d been so determined to hold back. Suddenly, I hated that bush. I wanted to chop it down and beat it into the ground. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to destroy something that produced such beauty.
I stood back from the source of my pain and wondered, Should I call it a bush of thorns or a bush of flowers? Really, it could go either way.
Suddenly I wasn’t just staring at a bush. I was staring at my life. My life. Such a bed of roses.
Would I see the hurt, or would I see the beauty?
Luke 8:14 says, “The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature.” The seed being referred to here is the Word of God. Isn’t it interesting that people who are choked by life’s circumstances and never mature are referred to as having thorns in the soil of their soul?
Yes, life sometimes hands us thorns, but we have the choice to park our minds on the thorn or on the beauty it can eventually produce in us, if only we’ll cling tightly to God’s Word. How a person thinks is how they will eventually become.
If we dwell on the negative in life, we’ll become negative, and God’s Word will have a hard time taking root in our souls. If, however, we acknowledge the negative but choose instead to look for the good that can come from it, God’s Word will take root in our souls and produce a lush crop of beauty.
It all comes down to choice. That day in my aunt’s garden, I chose to be aware of the thorns but park my mind on the beautiful roses.
And over the years, I have come to the place in my life where I realize I can focus on the hurt my dad’s absence caused or choose to focus on other things in my life. Beautiful things. To focus on beauty isn’t to deny the pain. It’s just refusing to let it steal anything else from me.
It’s been more than 25 years since I’ve seen my dad. That’s hard on a girl’s heart. But where he fell so short, God has filled in many gaps. I don’t have to be the child of a broken parent the rest of my life; I can be a child of God. Loved. Truly loved.
And that is a beautiful truth I can let flourish in my heart.
Dear Lord, it can be really hard to focus on the petals rather than the thorns of life. But I want the soil of my soul to be healthy and ready to receive Your Word. Will You produce beauty in my life despite the thorns that have hurt me? In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
© 2020 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.
Proverbs 31 Ministries

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Taking loved one for granted …

A wise man’s heart guides his mouth.
Proverbs 16:23

I definitely take my husband and child for granted.

I do not consider their feelings and emotions as much as I do for others.

I do not keep adjusting for them as much as I do for others.

I am guilty of “split vision” as they call it.

Outwardly, I am a kind, patient person with a smile on my face. No one can guess the pain and exhaustion that I endure due to my fibromyalgia.

However, when my sister pointed out this character in me, my daughter told me that I am indeed such a person to others, but not so much at home in front of her and my husband.

I was ashamed of myself on hearing this and today’s article reiterates the need for change.

If I am able to be patient with others, I should be able to be patient with my family also.

In saying so, let me say that I am not very nasty or rude at home, but I do need be more patient.

Below is the message that inspired me.

Split Vision
Isn’t it curious how in the midst of a nasty family argument we can shake our bad mood the instant the telephone rings or a neighbor knocks on the door? Have you ever been brought up short by a small voice questioning such a sudden turn to peaches and cream after twenty minutes of fire and brimstone? Sometimes we treat those we love the worst, and kids are quick to recognize this hypocrisy.
Mark Hatfield, a longtime senator from Oregon and the father of four, said his wife once stung him by saying, “I just wish you were as patient with your children as you are with your constituents.” He isn’t alone. We’re all guilty at times of what might be called “split vision”— treating acquaintances with forbearance while losing patience or even heaping contempt on those under our own roof. We assume the worst. We pounce on every shortcoming. We never miss an opportunity to harangue. In the process, we wound the people we care about most.
It’s time we cut one another a little slack at home. If we say our spouses, children, and parents are the most significant people in our lives, we can prove it by showing them the same kindnesses we would bestow on our most honored guests.
Just between us…
Are we as patient with each other at home as we are with guests and strangers?
Why do you think we can be so hard on each other?
How can we encourage each other to avoid this kind of “split vision”?
Father, open our eyes to see one another the way You do. Forgive us for the laziness and selfishness that so easily sour our family relationships. Help us guard our words and actions so that we may be pleasing in Your sight. Amen.
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

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Saying “sorry” before saying “good night”

“Be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.”
2 Corinthians 13:11

When I read the article below about conflicts in marriage, I felt relieved to know that we are not alone.

Fights and temper tantrums do happen.

Disagreements will arise.

However we can get through them and keep our marriage together when God’s love binds us together.

One rule that my family follows is to not “let the sun go down” on any fights, arguments or disagreements. We apologise to each other before saying “good night”.

I feel that this has helped us a lot in our married life. We follow the same with our daughter also. She cannot sleep well unless she apologises to us for any adolescent back answering.

Although remnants of resentments may get carried over to the next day, they clear up faster.

Thank you Lord Jesus for giving us a heart to forgive, forget and understand and for guiding us.

Because of our family ministry and Jim’s background as a psychologist, I sometimes wonder if people think that our marriage is somehow “different”—that we live in a dreamlike state of wedded bliss where conflict doesn’t exist. Believe me, that’s just not the case. We do our share of fussing and face the same struggles you do, whether it’s motivated by fatigue, worry about the kids, not communicating our expectations properly, or something else.
I recall an incident after we were engaged that seems funny now, but wasn’t so amusing at the time. Jim owned a 1949 Mercury convertible called “Old Red.” It was a disaster. The top wouldn’t go up or down; the electric windows didn’t work; the lights sometimes went out unexpectedly; and the engine had a habit of dying regularly. Every Sunday afternoon we took it out for a push. Worse, the front seat had springs sticking out at odd angles that snagged my clothes and made for a most uncomfortable ride. I hated that car, but Jim didn’t want to go into debt to buy a new one.
The coup de grace came the day Jim picked me up for an important job interview. I was wearing my best outfit, a black suit. As we sped down the road at fifty miles per hour, the convertible top suddenly blew off. Bits of string and canvas beat at our heads as dust flew everywhere. The remnants of the old top hooked onto the back of the car and flapped in the air like Superman’s cape.
Jim was so irritated at the car that he wouldn’t stop. He just kept barreling down the highway with the ribs of the top glistening above us. I screamed at him from under the dashboard, where I was crouched to escape the pieces of Old Red that were still flying about. Between his car falling apart and my screaming, Jim got even angrier.
Somehow we survived the day when both of us—and Old Red—blew our tops. Jim bought a newer car a few months later and, more importantly, we didn’t call off our engagement!
That’s how life is when you climb into the marvelous vehicle called marriage. You’re in for a long and wonderful ride. Expect the unexpected to happen. It will probably rattle your nerves and set you at odds with each other, and the top may even blow off every now and then. But if you share a committed love, you can survive those unexpected and unwanted conflicts. We have—for forty years now.
Shirley M Dobson
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

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Encouraging each other …

“Let us encourage one another.”
Hebrews 10:25

Reading the below message made me wonder how many times I have failed to encourage my husband or to express my appreciation for his support and encouragement.

There are many instances in my career when his guidance has helped me take wise decisions.

However, I do take his support and advice for granted. In fact, sometimes I even find his instructions a bit nagging.

On the other hand, I have irritated him many times with my opinion in matters that are his responsibility.

This message is a reminder that we both should patiently listen to each other, respect each other’s opinions and take non biased decisions.

I am reminded to stop and consciously work on my thoughts, words and actions to express my gratitude and encouragement to my life partner chosen for me by God.

It’s been said that behind every successful man is a great woman. The wife of one of the most famous names in literature, Nathaniel Hawthorne, was probably one such woman. Sophia Hawthorne secretly set aside a few dollars each week, a savings that eventually grew large enough to support them both for a year. You see, Sophia believed that her husband would one day be a great writer. When Hawthorne came home and announced in disgrace that he’d been fired from his job in a customhouse, Sophia presented him with the money, saying, “Now you can write your book!” Her confidence and encouragement led to one of America’s classic novels, The Scarlet Letter.
Then there was the corporate chief who, while traveling with his wife, pulled their car into a rundown gas station. They discovered that his wife had dated the gas station attendant in high school. “Boy, are you lucky I came along,” bragged the husband after they left. “If you had married him, you would be the wife of a gas station attendant.”
“My dear,” replied the wife, “if I had married him, he would be the chief executive officer, and you would be the gas station attendant.”
It’s certainly true that one spouse has tremendous influence on the success of the other. Jim has supported me in my spiritual life, in the raising of our children, and in so many other areas. Likewise, I have attempted to bolster him however I could and have seen God’s blessing on his work and ministry. And Jim lets me know he appreciates my encouragement. He has said more than once that I believed in him before he believed in himself. Of course, we’ve fallen short of this supportive ideal on more than one occasion—and you probably will, too. But if you consistently strive to bring strong and steady encouragement to your mate, you’ll both reap lasting rewards.
Shirley M Dobson
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

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Rose’s Board Finals – Mathematics Exam

For the days you can’t see a way out of your troubles, when desperation raises its head, and you don’t see an end in sight, know this: God is near. He reminds you that he’s fighting for you. He tells us to stand strong in his armor and in the power of his word. Read out loud every word of the armor of God, pray that he would help you to lift your head straight up to him, believing that he will see you through.
Find Hope in the Storm, Crosswalk.com

Well, my daughter’s mathematics exam is over. She worked hard during the few days before the exam, but she was not able to cover one chapter and so is not sure if the answers to questions from that chapter are correct. Due to her illness the last two months, she was not able to do her revisions in advance and hence needed more time to complete her portions.

Considering the situation, she did well and I thank God for the same. This is her favourite subject and she herself has admitted that if she was able to cover the last remaining chapter, she would have been able to score 100% marks. I know that God will do the best for her as he has helped so far.

I feel dejected a bit because if she had listened to me earlier and reduced the time that she had wasted when it was possible for her to study, she could have got all the answers correct. We had a lot of arguments and mental strain due to me reminding her to make the best use of her time.

Anyhow, in spite of all this, God has still helped her do so well. He gave her the strength and health to study on the days before her exams. We had worried if her hard work would take a toll on her health which had not yet come back to normal and I cannot thank Him enough. I feel guilty for the slight tinge of regret/sadness that is in me on my daughter’s behalf, but I know that God understands me.

Whatever the situation, whatever failings we have, I am confident that God will ensure a good outcome for my daughter. Her career will be as per His plans for her. In fact, the lessons learnt will be a learning curve for her, making her realize her mistakes so she can correct herself going forward.

Thank you Lord God for moulding and guiding my daughter through life’s path. Thank you so much Lord. I believe that eventually you will ensure the best for her.

More than a Conqueror!!

The voices in this world, the enemy’s lies, and even our own negative words can do a pretty good job of making us feel defeated and anxious. Choose to tune out from all that mess, and instead choose to listen to what God says about you. He reminds you that you are more than a conqueror. He tells you not to fear. Pray he will help you to have wisdom in whose voice you listen today, and that your thoughts would be focused on him.
Find Hope in the Storm, Crosswalk.com

Reading the above, I am very happy that it is exactly the assurance I need after I lost control of myself yesterday.

I lost my temper with my daughter. I am ashamed of myself. The root cause for my anger was my worry about her.

She was not willing to take a bitter tasting medicine which is good for her immunity. Considering her loss of immunity due to her illness the last two months, I am worried about her immunity to resist the recent corona virus.

This led to other worries.

Each time I thought about decisions that could have been undone during the last two years, I worried that I did not guide her properly.

Each time I thought about her complains, I again felt that there was something missing in the way I brought her up.

I keep forgetting that these are just issues that parents and children face during a child’s adolescent years.

I used to feel confident that we were doing our best for our daughter, of course, with God’s guidance, but yesterday I lost my confidence.

I do know that nothing was and is in our hands. God is in charge and is taking care of her.

However, the negative thoughts made me feel defeated and anxious.

Today’s message has assured me that I should not feel like that.

We can conquer together since God is leading us.

We have put our trust in Him.

Thank you Lord Jesus!!!

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Not sure about anything …

Rose’s Board Finals – Chemistry

When the future feels uncertain, when things seem to change, or we find ourselves on a new journey in this life, we can start to feel the pressure and stress of it all weighing down heavy on our hearts and minds. But Christ reminds us not to worry about tomorrow. He assures us of his care for each and every day. Ask him to help you let go of trying to figure everything out and to trust him in today, knowing he is with you always, and will lead you every step of tomorrow.
Find Hope in the Storm, Crosswalk.com

My daughter, Rose, was not able to do her Chemistry exam well. She was upset, but I trust that God will give her marks sufficient to get a good college admission.

Although her illness over the past few months did not give her a chance to do last minute studies, she did neglect her studies earlier and it was then too late to make up.

My daughter is in her adolescence.

In the past few months, we have been having a lot of arguments leading to both of us being upset, hurt and stressed out.

Mostly the topic was her procrastination when it came to her studies.

She is a very good girl. She loves Jesus and tries hard to do the right thing. She loves us, her parents, and doesn’t want to hurt us. At the same time, she is confused.

I keep feeling that I was wrong somewhere, sometime during her upbringing. I am sad when she says that she has been hurt by us many times, that she is sad by our actions.

She is sad that I am sad.

I am sad that she is sad.

When we try to talk it out, we hurt each other.

Then the circle goes on.

I have no idea what to do.

Also, especially since our daughter is our only child, we have this constant worry about her safety, wellbeing and future.

Added to that, we worry that any of our faults, actions or words might have a negative effect on her psychologically.

Our worries go on and on, but we are trusting that God will guide the three of us through the situation, that He will make her and us understand each other and make sure that my daughter grows into a person with a character and future moulded by God as per His plans.

Thank you God that you are with us guiding our thoughts, words and deeds. Please be with us Lord and comfort us. Please give my daughter, husband and me peace and happiness in you and in each other. Help us to be patient, understanding and forgiving. Please Lord. Please…

One of the biggest fears many battle is that something bad will happen to their loved ones. Yet reality is, we can’t always be with them, nor can we always protect them from all that may come their way. But God is with them always, and he is mighty. Pray that his protection would surround those you love, that his angels would guard their coming and going, and he would keep them safe from harm. Thank him that we can release those we love into his care, knowing that He watches over his children, and covers them in his care.
Find Hope in the Storm, Crosswalk.com

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Rejoicing in hope …

Rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer.
Romans 12:12

Yesterday, while I was saying my prayers, God made me realise that nothing is impossible for Him and that I should hope positively that He will guide and help my daughter to prepare well for her exams such that she gets sufficient marks and accordingly admission for the course/college that is best for her.

Even if the situation seems difficult and probability less, God can make it happen.

He has already made plans for her.

I rejoice in this hope and thank and praise God for His abundant grace.

I need not worry. Nothing is in our hands anymore.

The grades that my daughter receives and her admissions, can never be attributed to our works since she was ill and has not been able to put in the necessary time and work. Her achievement can be attributed to God’s work only. It will be to His glory.

Only one more day for her English exam, which will be on the 27^th.

I rejoice in the hope that God will help her achieve her goals. I shall be patient without worrying unnecessarily. I shall continue steadfastly in prayer for God to guide and make it possible for my daughter to score good grades.

My father and my husband may say that my faith is impractical and that this is not God’s job, but I believe that God cares and has influence in the smallest issues of our lives.

He can definitely help my daughter achieve great heights.

Also, from today’s Night Life for Couples, I am reminded that when we face small troubles, we are given the opportunity to not forget God, to not be self-content and complacent, thus moving away from God. We see God’s work during these times and are able to praise Him more and more.

Times of Plenty
“I have set the Lord always before me.” Psalm 16:8
Just as we’re tempted to think God has forgotten about us when hard times come, so we tend to forget God when times are easy. Think about the marriages you have seen slide into trouble just when the couples seemed to have everything going their way.
Jesus told a story about a rich farmer who had no need for God. The farmer had his life nicely laid out. One year he produced such a bumper crop that he couldn’t store it all. In a world of suffering and starvation, that was his biggest problem! Then he said, “This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I’ll say to myself, ‘You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink, and be merry.’ ” But God said to him, “You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?” (Luke 12:18–20).
Are you in a time of relative plenty in your life together? If so, be careful about slipping into arrogance and self‐contentedness. The next thing you know you’ll be behaving like the fool in Jesus’ story—as if you don’t need God. An old‐time preacher once wrote, “Blessedness is the greatest of perils because it tends to dull our keen sense of dependence on God and make us prone to presumption.”
Take a moment tonight to thank and praise God for all the good you enjoy. And remember to fully depend on Him each day, even when everything is going wonderfully.
Just between us…
Do we trust God in good times, or do we begin to feel self‐sufficient?
Do we give God the credit and praise when life is good?
How can we encourage each other to rely on the Lord at all times?
Lord, You have poured out Your goodness on our lives, and we are truly grateful. Forgive us when we let satisfaction dull our devotion to You. Amen.
Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

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He’s always there…

To put everything in one, there is nothing you can want, there is nothing you can ask for, there is nothing you can need in time or in eternity, there is nothing living, nothing dying, there is nothing in this world, nothing in the next world, there is nothing now, nothing at the resurrection-morning, nothing in heaven which is not contained in this text–“I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”
Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evening, Bible Gateway

What a wonderful assurance we have – God will never leave us not forsake us.

We can remain confident and live with hope that God will take us through our life, holding our hands and even carrying us through.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord.
Jeremiah 17:7

Yesterday’s reading of “Night Light for Couples” reminds me that there will always be trials and stress in life. If we trust in God and believe that He will be with us always, we can move forward in peace. God will give us strength to endure any situation. He will guide our thoughts, words and actions. He will make sure that the best happens for us. “

Below is the reading which is especially very meaningful and assuring for married couples.

God promises to bless those who trust in Him. The Psalms state that joy, deliverance, triumph, mercy, provision, blessedness, safety, and usefulness will come to those who put their confidence in the Lord. We need to rely on those blessings in our marriages—otherwise the stresses of life will pull us apart. And those stresses will come! When the house burns down… when a child becomes ill… when a job and steady paycheck are lost, it’s all too easy to let fear and frustration drive a wedge between partners. Even minor problems, such as a nagging cold or a sleepless night, can disrupt the quality of our marriage.
The good news is that we weren’t meant to succeed by depending only on each other. Marriage is a triangle—with husband and wife at the bottom corners and the Lord at the top. The book of Ecclesiastes conveys a similar truth when Solomon talks about the strength of a three‐stranded cord (4:12). If we invite the Lord into our marriage and trust in His strength, we can experience strength and peace in our marriage regardless of the circumstances.
Just between us…
When, before our marriage, did God prove strong for you in a time of crisis? What specific blessing did He provide?
How has He blessed us during hard times in our marriage?
What are some of the little stresses that tend to drive us apart?
In light of what we’ve read this week, how can we encourage each other to trust God more?
Dear Lord, we praise You that You—the God of love, power, and goodness— want to be a powerful presence in our relationship. When tests come, bind us together with love. When we are weak, be strong for us. Amen.
Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

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God – Our Source of Security

The Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you.
2 Thessalonians 3:3

In our ongoing dilemma about our daughter’s illness and upcoming exams, the uncertainty about her higher education and future career, when matters have not gone as per our plans, the below devotional assures us that God will see us through. God declares:

For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11

I am grateful to Shirley M. Dobson for this wonderful message of assurance.

Christian singer Rebecca St. James faced a test of faith the year her family moved from Australia to Nashville, Tennessee. Two months after they arrived in America, Rebecca’s father lost his job. Rebecca, her parents, and her five siblings were left on the other side of the world with no other family, no close friends, no car, no furniture, no income, and a new brother or sister on the way. They felt lost and couldn’t help wondering if God knew what He was doing.
But the St. Jameses didn’t give up on God in their time of crisis. They responded in the only way they knew how—by sitting on the floor as a family and praying. Soon after, the Lord began providing. Groceries and furniture were delivered to their doorstep. A family donated a car. An anonymous friend even paid for Rebecca’s new sister, Libby, to be born in a hospital. God did have a plan.
When your children feel discouraged or that their lives are out of control, talk to them about Jeremiah 29:11: “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” When they are afraid, show them how to pray as David did: “You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance” (Psalm 32:7). When they are anxious, teach them to put their burdens before God to find the holy peace that guards hearts and minds (Philippians 4:6–7).
We’ve offered several tips this week about how to provide security and stability for your children. The best advice we can give you, however, is to remember that the true source of security for children and their parents is always our loving and merciful God.
Shirley M. Dobson, From Night Light For Parents, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson